MORE THAN SKIN-DEEP: NONVERBALS OF OUR APPEARANCE

How I wish I had read this when I was 19 years old. Probably My life would have been different

"MORE THAN SKIN-DEEP: NONVERBALS OF OUR APPEARANCE

It’s interesting how we profess to dismiss matters of appearance, considering how obsessively we focus on looks (keeping up with fashion; buying anti-aging products; worrying about looking fat; gossiping about who’s had “work” done; reading about the best-and worst-dressed, and so on). Our seemingly paradoxical fixation makes sense, though, when you understand appearance as a form of nonverbal communication. Our brain’s visual cortex, the processing center for what we see, is huge; clearly it evolved as a central component of our brain for good reasons: survival and aesthetics. We notice not only the unkempt fellow standing too close to our car but also the attractive woman behind the perfume counter. We are constantly observing how other people look, and we make decisions about who we want to affiliate with based on what we see—to such a degree that when the tabloids and celebrity magazines tout the latest fashions, many seek immediately to mirror “the new look.”

Our predilection for aesthetics and beauty is actually hardwired in us. Every culture has an appreciation for beauty, health, youth, aesthetics, and symmetry that can be explained only as an evolutionary necessity. Even babies, we now know from research, have an appreciation for beauty. Beautiful symmetrical faces make babies smile, and their pupils dilate in a subconscious effort to take in more of what they like (not unlike the first time I saw Ann-Margret at the Deauville Beach Resort in Miami Beach when I was thirteen—she took my breath away, and I am confident my pupils were fully dilated).

We also appreciate the commanding impact of sheer physical presence. That’s why club bouncers are large, imposing figures. We have a biological affinity for height, which explains why our leaders tend to be taller than the average population.

The profit aspect of appearances has also been well studied and is referred to as the “beauty dividend.” Economists find that people who are good looking tend to earn more money, as they tend to get hired and promoted more frequently. But the researchers also found that the companies benefited, too, as the presence of a good-looking workforce generated more revenue. The beauty dividend is something that advertisers have known for a very long time, which is why you see such beautiful faces associated with the most successful beauty products or just about anything advertised.

Our focus on appearances may not be fair, but it’s human, and if you want to become a nonverbal master, you must attend to appearances—yours and others’—something we will be talking about in chapter 5 as we explore managing our appearance"